My daughter Anna has always been a very good kid. Currently, she is a straight A student, involved in extra-curricular activities, namely drama and strives to be honest and forthright. As a result, she has a strong confidence about her which I really respect.
But those good qualities didn’t happen by accident. She has overcome some some difficult academic challenges.
By the third grade, her math and reading skills were lacking. In reading, she was particularly behind. Her teacher was not the sugar-coating, Mary Poppins that we’d all like our kids teachers to be. Instead she was older woman, with an old school way of doing things. Let’s call her, Mrs. Scary.
Now Mrs. Scary had a bit of a temper, I don’t doubt that she cared about the kids, but she did yell a lot. Now some kids may need that, but my daughter Anna isn’t one of those kids. You could look at Anna in a disappointed way and she will immediately fix her behavior. Anna would come home in tears because Mrs. Scary was just too hard on her.
At first, we considered switching Anna to a different teacher, but something told me that that was a bad idea. This was the first honest test of her character and I wanted to help her have a victory, rather than remove the obstacle entirely.
That year, Anna and I spent many nights talking about how to work with Mrs. Scary. I even called Mrs. Scary once over a misunderstanding over some homework. I assured Mrs. Scary that I was going to support her in teaching Anna, but the tactics that she was using may not be necessary with Anna and asked her to try a more gentler approach. I ended the conversation by encouraging her and thanking her for her heart to teach our children.
Things with Mrs. Scary got better, but Anna was still having trouble, however she kept persevering. She would tell me her fears and anxieties and how Mrs. Scary’s words made her feel stupid, I kept reminding her who she really was: a smart, kind, honest, beautiful little girl who I love very much.
Now this is going to get very sappy, so brace yourself, but we would cuddle in bed and listen to the song, Butterfly Kisses. I’d hold her and we’d cry. I may not have any tears left in my eyes for her wedding day. (Nope. Actually I do. I’m crying as I’m writing this!) And that’s how it was her third grade year, she would come home, work really hard on homework, feel stressed, we’d talk till late and cry.
Finally, it was time for the last parent / teacher conference of the year and Mrs. Scary asked me to bring Anna to the meeting! I was worried. What is Mrs. Scary going to do now? I mentally prepared both myself and Anna. Above all, we are going to listen and consider her words constructive no matter how dysfunctional.
Within minutes of the conference, Mrs. Scary was praising Anna up and down for her hard work and perseverance. She called Anna hard-working and a model student. Anna had gone up six whole reading levels that year, (an achievement Mrs. Scary called unheard of,) and was now only one level away from where she needed to be. Mrs. Scary was confident that if Anna spent a little time over summer vacation reading grade-level books, there is no reason why she couldn’t be on level for the start of fourth grade!
Needless to say, the late night talks about Anna’s insecurities vanished overnight. Anna was filled with a new confidence and the freedom to be the person she wants to be.
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